Breakup are never easy. During this you pass through by a great depression, anxiety, selfdoubt, and demotivation. you want to escape from these all things. But you find,you have not any source of motivation except demotivation which is your Ex. So, it is common to feel the urge of use your Ex as motivation. To prove them wrong and show what they miss. But is this a good idea or does it keep you stuck in past ?
So, in this article we will explor that it is healthy approch or not to keep your Ex as a source of motivation.And we also discuss on some other practicle step to help you to focus on yourself, By which you can heel and move forword in your life.
why we need to prove ourselves:-
When someone decide to leave a relatonship, they might point out our drawbacks or compare us to others saying like that, ''you have not a good future'', ''your financial condision is not stable'', ''you have not a good physique'' or ''you are not attrective enough''.Or other reasons by which they try to reliese us, we are not perfect for them. And at the end they leave us alone.
these words can create a psychological condision in which you want prove them wrong and make them regret on thier dicision. Many people, start using their Ex's critisium as fuel to improve themselves and overcome these percived faults.
in other situation, a breakup might happen without any clear reason. your Ex may start ignoring calls, avoiding massages, or spend less time with you, and at the end he/she leave you.
this create a lot's of selfdoubts in individuals.the condision becomes more ciritical when you see them with somebody else. At that time many people start to compare themselves with their Ex's partner. Analyse what went wrong and what become the cause of their breakup. this often leads to desire o conqure those shortcomings and make their Ex reliese what they have lost.
The pros and cons : Is it healthy to use your Ex as motivation
now we understant, this is really beneficial use your Ex as a motivation and also discuss what the disadvantages to do this.
Benifits:-
1. Give short time motivation and evergy-
Using your ex as motivation can offer a temporary boost of energy and motivation. The emotional impact of a breakup, especially, if it comes through rude or hurtful behavior from your ex. it can create a strong desire to prove yourself. This intense motivation can lead to bursts of energy and focus.
Example: Many people jion the gym after a breakup. Initially, they feel exhausted and lacking motivation, but the thought of their ex’s negative behavior can push them to perform extra sets or reps. The desire to show,how someone behavior can leads us to a great motivation and evergy.
2. Encourages Goal Setting and Achievement:
A breakup often creates a void that people want to fill with new goals and achievements. Many individuals, realize they may have been investing time and energy into a wrong relationship where they give time and attention to a wrong person. This realization can drive them to focus on personal goals and desire which, they previously neglected.
Example: After a breakup, some people invested their energy into career advancements, new projects, or personal development. The motivation is to show their ex that they are capable of achieving great things. This potential can help them set and achieve new goals.
3. Overcoming the emotional pain:-
when someone breaks our trust. Then there is a lot's of thought and emotion revolve in our mind, which can become the cause of poor mental health. But when we see the negative prespective of them, like their rude behavior, useing us as a object for own pleasure or how they cheat us. These all thought motivate us to focus on our goals and should not waste our time on their useless thoughts. this give a little bit of relief from emotional pain.
example-
Imagine someone who has recently gone through a breakup where their partner was unfaithful. Initially, they feel very low and lack of motivation. However, instead of focusing on the pain, they start to focus on their career. They remind themselves of the times their ex treated them poorly. This realization pushes them to work harder, taking on new projects at work, learning new skills. To show they can live better without them.
downsides:-
1. dependency of external vallidatin:-
when you use your Ex like an motivation, then there is only aim to prove yourself in your Ex's eyes, But if somehow you fail in it or your Ex don't react much as you expected. Then it become the cuase of low confidence, hope and courage which you gained by so much hardwork. In simple, it is all depend on your Ex's reaction. in this your own success is not matter much then your Ex's reaction.
2. sustaining negative thoughts:-
when you think about motivated by your Ex then it does not only give motivation, but also give a package of negative thoughts. When you remember the negative side of your Ex,then your mind also show their positive side.which create a lot of negative thoughts.And it will sustain till you will be motivated by your Ex's negative side.
Example- When you think about your Ex negative side like, thier rude behavior, make fun of your, and cheat on you. sometimes your mind also show the positive side of their like,when you both in relationship, how they use to care about you, always call and maggage at right time and only wants your time and attention. These all thought, force you that in this breakup you also be a guilty.
this is only one thought on which we talk. Oue mind create a lot of negative thoughts and selfdoubts. which gradually increase burden of negativity.
3. Stalling True Personal Growth:-
Relying on your ex for motivation can actually limit your personal growth and self-awareness. Instead of focusing on your own goals and self-improvement, you dedicated with making your ex realize your worth. This mindset can trap you in a cycle of discovering validation from your ex's reactions rather than chase genuine personal growth. When your motivation is driven by thoughts of your ex, your development do not matter more, and the only thing that seems to matter is how they respond.
Unhealthy patterns and obsessions:-
many times people want their Ex's attention on their progress very hardly. so it may make unhealthy patterns or obsessions like, frequaintly checking thier social media , going the places where they came or trying to get their attention in every suitiable ways. But these can gradually slow down thier healing process because they always think about thier Ex.
by these points we easily understand that motivation through our Ex can provide a temporay boost but for a long time it can be become a big reason of your poor mental health.
Now the question is how we use breakup for our personal growth. Because most of the time thoughts and things which is related to breakup is revolve in our mind. When we think about personal growth we didn't focus. so what we do. Let talk about it.
How to reform breakup for personal growth:-
Acknowledge the emotions:-
the first step ts that accept and feel all emotions that comes with breakup. Like sadness, anger, confusion,or even happiness.You have to understand that, these all are the part of process and acknowledge them is essential for healing. Accept them rather than pushing them away. It is important to heel as soon as possible to grow in life.
shift you perspective:-
It is important that during all this you change perspective of see any situation. Like, in this situation, instead of viewing breakup as purely negative , try to see it as a learning experiance. Breakup useully teach us a lot of things, as how people can change suddenly, behavior of sociely and how it works, nature of people and thier need and expectations. many more things about life which is only can teach us a hard breakup.
focus of self-improvment:-
Use breakup as a catalyst to focus on yourself. Often when someone pass through breakup , in intial days they face most critical phase , in which they forget about theirself. This leads them towords a great downfal. But it can be continue for a long term which is so harmful for them.
So, I want to say that, just ask yourself
Q- can a person have rights to change your life?
Q- what is the motive of your life ?
if is continue,
Q- what about your own dreams, and what for those peolpe who have hope from you like your parents.
So, you have enough time to counter it and start developing new skills or investing time in hobbies that make you happy
Remember, the time and energy that you give to a wrong person can not be return but now you can redirect your energy and time towords your own growth.
For this you can -
⇛ Set new goals that excite you
⇛ Try new hobbies which you want to try
⇛ Work on yourself by which you can gain. new confidence.
Practice self compassion:-
Breakup can leads to self-blame and harsh self-critisium. It is common that people who pass through a great breakup criticise themself for the breakup. They think, somehow it is their own fault in breakup. They balme themself, for not pay enough attention and care to their Ex and respect them as they deserve.
If you are also do that, then I want to say, making fault is a human nature and remember its always takes two to make a quarral. If they want to live with you then they can, but they choose to leave you. so don't blame yourself anymore. Be compassionate towords yourself.
But how can you do this lets find.-
⇛ Use positive affirmations to counter negative self-talk.
⇛ Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes in the relationship.
⇛ Remind yourself that healing takes time, so try to stay positive.
Don't afraid of change:-
Change can be difficult.But it opens up new possibilities. Often people fear sudden change of surroundings after breakup. Thier daily routine get change, they have no more fun as usual and this cause of change in mindset and mental health. Also, they fear to tring new things and enviroment.
But now the time to accept changes in your life and remember it is so impertant to accept change, If you fear to change, then it is so difficult to heel and may be you always stuck in past.You know how important is change let see-
After a tough breakup, Alex, a tennis player who lost focus and confidence, due to which, his performance to be decline. Instead of letting the setback define him, he embraced the change.He channeling his pain into intense training. Alex worked on his fitness and skills, using the breakup as motivation to grow stronger. he regained his confidence and started winning tournaments again.
Shifting from external to internal motivation:-
For growing up in life it is important that the motivation should be continious and for this it is important that the source of your motivation be internal source not be depend on other person or a desire that motivates you. If you don't know what the internal and external source of motivation let I define you-
intrinsic motivation:- it is refer to engaging in such activity for the inherit satisfaction. It comes from, when you do something because you find it interesting and enjoy full.
Example:-
⇛ going somewhere because you love treavelling
⇛ learning a new skill becuase you crious about it. like, you learn cocking because you love to try new dieses.
Extrinsic motivation- it is envolve such activity which give you reward or avoid punishment.
the motivation comes from external factors rather than from the activity itself.
Example-
⇛ Studying to get good grades.
⇛ Want a good physique to prove wrong your Ex's dicision
so, the motive is that you just try to change your source of your motivation. From external factor which give you a short time motivation to internal factors which give you constant motivation.
Reframing your breakup for personal growth is about transforming pain into power. By shifting your perspective focusing on self-improvement, and embracing the changes, you can create a fulfilled version of yourself. The end of a relationship does not mean it is end of your happiness. It can be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.
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